Holy Wedding, I'm Getting Married

Yep, you read it! I'm totally getting married. You all probably know this because I have most likely sent you an announcement. And if I haven't don't be offended. It's cause I don't like you. JUST KIDDING!! It's cause I probably don't have your address or anyway to get it from you. Or I have asked you for it and you haven't had the chance to give it to me. Sorry!

But anyway, I'm marrying Alex Ripley.

He's in my stake and he's awesome. Just the right guy for me.

You know, I was never really fond of the saying "Stop chasing and you'll get caught" and I came back from school not expecting to meet anyone new. I figured I'd just have some fun, try and find a fun job and save up for school. I always figured the reason I went to Idaho was so that I could meet my husband. Lo and behold, I was so wrong. I went to Idaho so I'd be ready to meet my husband. And let me tell you: he's perfect for me. I really couldn't have picked a better companion. I guess you could say my testimony in my patriarchal blessing has been strengthened. Just when I thought the Lord had forgotten about His promises to me, He shows me that He hasn't. I am such a lucky girl!

So, the date is set! July the 3rd! 8 days from now I'll be Mrs. Alex Ripley. Crazy!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe how fast the time has gone. I feel like just yesterday I was commenting on how it was 25 days till we tied the knot. And now it's only 8. When did that happen? I'm glad that it did, tho. Because when it was still 40 days out, I was dying. 

Plans are coming along smoothly, for once. I feel like during this whole planning things kept going wrong. But, in then all that matters is that we're married for time and all eternity. Seriously. I kept getting stressed out about things and Alex kept reminding me that that's what's important. And it helped. I was watching earlier today the movie 17 Miracles. And part of the story is a love story. It's probably one of the best love stories I've ever heard. Even better than Romeo and Juliet. All through out the movie, the line "It will all be worth it in the end" kept coming up. And really, it will ALL be worth it in the end. I sent Alex a text telling him how grateful I am for his desire to be married in the temple. Because really, anything less than forever is unacceptable and frankly, just not enough. 

It's so hard to wrap my head around changing my last name. Literally my whole life I have been a Knight. I don't want to say it's my identity, but it's a big chunk of it. I couldn't be happier to change it for this reason. To start a new family and be with one person for the rest of forever. But... I've always been Auvie Knight. And now suddenly I have to be Auvie Ripley. I guess I've never really prepared myself for such a change. I'm glad I get to do it, but still. It's crazy.

I'm so happy.

Holi Festival of Colors

Well, for those of you who don't know, the Festival of Colors is an Indian festival that celebrates their... FASHION. You heard me. Fashion. It celebrates the colors they wear. I guess. But, it's pretty much a party that BYU kids go to and throw colored powders at each other. It's way fun.

Sadie, Courtney, Jake, Dan, Madi, and I all piled in Sadie's car and made the vary long, arduous drive down to Spanish Fork, Utah. It was a long drive. I mean, LONG, drive. There was traffic, so it made the one hour drive into a two hour drive. With four people crammed in the back seat that was meant for two and a half.

When we got there, we had to walk about two miles to the temple. On the way there, this happened:

Before the Color Throwing

Sadie, Dan, Madi

People coming back from the festival had left over color and would throw it at as when they walked by. It was fun when we weren't getting it thrown in our eyes. We finally made it through the masses and found our way to the color station to buy our colors. This place was PACKED.

Sri Sri Radha Krishna Temple

We ran into a lot of people we knew and made some new friends even. Kids were everywhere and there were more Mormons there than at General Conference... OK, maybe just as many as at General Conference. We danced, threw powder, and laughed. And then, before we turned brown from all the colors, we left and took our extra powder with us. The walk back was just as eventful, except that WE were throwing the powder. We finally got back to the car and we looked like this:

Madi and Dan

It was great. I'm so glad that I went. I got to see Madi one last time before August and I got to know my roommates a little better. The trip was long but worth it in the end. It was a wonderful way to start finals and end the semester. Now I'm totally ready to come home.

Anger and the Atonement

Tonight while stadium singing I was filled with this intense hatred. It was so overwhelming it made my eyes water and my whole body shake. I haven't felt like that in a long time. In fact, this time was a lot stronger than last. And I don 't really know why. I mean, I got over being mad at everything and everyone. I was happy. I have the gospel and a family that loves me. I have amazing friends. What reason do I have to be angry? to have such hatred in my heart?
Usually when I go stadium singing, I go with some of my closest friends, a few of which are guys. And it's us, this group. Not pairs. Just a big group of friends. And it's the best. It's not awkward to be the single one. It's fun to go and sing praises to Heavenly Father and feel the Spirit and know you're amongst friends. But this week, my friends brought dates. I was the single one. I was alone. And it was so clear in my mind why and who was to blame. And that's why the hatred came. The uncontrolled anger. It swept over me like wild fire.
I wanted to run away and cry. I was so ashamed at myself for feeling this way. I had no right to feel this way. I put those feelings away long ago, never to be seen again. And yet here they were, right in front of me. Mocking me.
For so long last year I was mad at Greg for breaking my heart. For making me feel worthless and unwanted. But I forgave him. I decided that it was in MY hands if I was worthless and unwanted, not his. I was free of my anger and hatred for him. But tonight it came rushing back. Seeing my friends all dating and happy while I felt alone and lost. Like a puppy abandoned on the side of the road. Or like Woody and Buzz in Toy Story 3. I felt like no one wanted me and I blamed Greg for that. I blamed him for "breaking" me. As if it were his fault I'm not dating; his fault all of my friends are happy and all couple-y and I'm not. As if he broke me and there was no coming back from it. I haven't felt that way in a VERY long time. I was caught off guard.
And then we sang Be Still My Soul and the words hit me hard and cracked the marble slab of anger and hatred. I'm not alone. I've never been alone. Christ has ALWAYS been with me, even in my darkest hour. He's the light that warms my heart and comforts me.
Sometimes I forget that the Atonement isn't just about repenting. It's about pain and anger and sorrow and joy. Christ knows exactly how I'm feeling because when he was in Gethsemane he took on everything I would go through in all of my life. I always kinda pictured his time in Gethsemane as him trying to hold a big boulder on his shoulders. But now I think of it more as a line of people waiting to dump everything on him. I was in that line. He took my burdens on himself. He knows. That's what the Atonement is about. Christ helping us, being with us even when we feel the most alone. That song and that reminder couldn't have come at a more perfect time. Heavenly Father's way of reminding me that He's always here. 
I'm still angry. I still hate everything. But, I know that in the morning, that anger will be gone. Replaced with God's love for me. I don't know how many more times I'll have to feel like this. How many more times I'll have to turn to Heavenly Father for help; to know that I am wanted; that I'm not worthless.
In the end, God loves me. My family loves me. I have the gospel. I should be happy. The choice in mine to make. Happy or angry? I think I'll be happy.

Week One

Well, this week has been interesting. It starts off on New Years Eve. That was such a fun night! Seth, Morgan, Chris, Jimmy, Breanna, and Marcus all came over and we partied it up! We went and planked a few places, we went to a dance, and then we came home to Madi's and played Wii and hat charades. It was a blast! Totally took my mind off things. We were up till about 5, slept for an hour, woke up at 6 to see Morgan and Seth off (they had to go back to Idaho to go to church because Morgan was suppose to see some people) and then went back to sleep at 7 only to wake up at 8:30 to take me to SLC to meet up with Clawson. Then I stayed with the Clawson's Sunday to Monday and at 4am we hit the road to come back to Rexburg. Geeze. I had maybe four whole hours of sleep between Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. But let me just say: totally worth it.

On Monday I didn't have much to do because all of my stuff besides my clothes were at Jedi's and they were still in California and I didn't have a key. So as I piddled my thumbs trying to think of what to do, I decided to go over and visit my old friends in Academy Apartments (where I use to live). Eventually, I got bored because we were just watching TV, so I went down stairs to see if apt 5 had any games we could play. They didn't have any but they said that the new guys in apt 1 (my old apt) had games. Sooo, I went over there. And made new friends. And they're cute. And friendly. And fun. So yeah, what a good way to start the semester:)

My classes today were pretty cool. One of my classes was cancelled, so that was cool. Kind of annoying because it's the first day of class. But whatever. I have one class tomorrow: science. It shouldn't be too bad. This semester shouldn't be too bad. My teachers seem fun. The kids in my classes seem nice. So yeah.