Well, I'm home. And so far I have stayed pretty busy. Up and out and doing things with people every day. I wish it would stay this way, but I have a feeling it will die down soon. So far I have visited with my friends that are still in high school, and I have painted my room and met my sisters best friend. I've been having a good time so far. But, I feel like something is missing.
I think I left some of myself back in Idaho. My new friends, my wonderful niece and nephew, my brother and his wonderful wife. I feel as if I am trying to fill that void with something else. That's why I want to stay busy. I'm afraid that if I don't do something all the time, I'll break down. I come close at night. Just laying in bed thinking about everything. It's not fun.
My friends in high school have tried convincing me to just go to Univ of Montevallo. Maybe that would be best. Leave my past in Idaho. Not have to worry about running into someone who will only bring up heartaches. But...
I don't know. I want to go back. But I'm scared. I'm scared I'll get homesick. I'm scared I'll run into him.. He pretty much hates me, and I'm still in love with him. I need to find someone that will cure me of that...
For now though, I will live one day at a time. Try to stay busy and not think too much, secretly wishing I could go back in time.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
What a Way to Go
Well, in case you haven't heard. I'm headed home on Wednesday. I have very much mixed feelings about this. I'm sad to leave, but excited to go home.
For my last couple of nights here, me and Carly have been doing scandalous activities, such as Comic Frenzy on campus, and watching horrendous movies, like Tron. Let me start from the beginning.
On Friday night, Carly, Minta, and I went to Comic Frenzy, which is the improv show on campus. It was quite funny actually. I would very much like to go again when I get back. Then, Carly and I came home and did some more awesome stuff, like.... Sleeping. It was pretty legit. LOL
On Saturday I packed. And did some shopping. And packed. I have everything done except for what I am using right now. It went quite fast actually. And that night, Carly and I went on another scandalous activity. Tron: Legacy. OMG. BUST. I was thoroughly disappointed in that movie. Pretty much the corniest movie I have seen in a while. But, I had fun sneaking Campbell's chicken noodle soup into the movies to eat. Never done that before, but I will most likely do it again. Haha.
Sunday day was nothing awesome. I got super pissed off about some stuff and threw a dish at the brick wall by our apartment. That was awesome. Then, I went to dinner at Jedi's house. That was fun. Tucker and Piper are just the cutest kids I have ever met. And I'm not being biased. LOL.
Sunday Night is when the party started. I came home, had a nice little chat with my roommates and then started a dance party. It was nothing big, John from Viking Village stopped by to see if we were really dancing. And then, Minta busted out her black lights and that's when the real party started. Me, Michelle, Minta, Carly, and Kayla got busy marking our arms with highlighters and taking pictures like the world is gonna end tomorrow. It was amazing. We then had a four song dance party and rocked out. Check out my pictures on Facebook if you're interested. It was amazing to the MAX. I'm seriously going to miss these girls. They are so awesome. Love them!
Now, we are watching Star Trek and having a "sleepover" in the living room. I pulled out my mattress and Michelle pulled out hers and we are gonna sleep the night away out here, it being a three day weekend and all:)
Tomorrow I have to clean up my side of the room and get the rest of my stuff packed, because I'm staying the last two nights with Jedi and Aubrie. It will be fun.
I"m nervous to go home, because I haven't been home in a while and it's the middle of the semester. But, everything will work out for the better, I just know it. I'm putting the past behind me and moving on to bigger and better things:)
For my last couple of nights here, me and Carly have been doing scandalous activities, such as Comic Frenzy on campus, and watching horrendous movies, like Tron. Let me start from the beginning.
On Friday night, Carly, Minta, and I went to Comic Frenzy, which is the improv show on campus. It was quite funny actually. I would very much like to go again when I get back. Then, Carly and I came home and did some more awesome stuff, like.... Sleeping. It was pretty legit. LOL
On Saturday I packed. And did some shopping. And packed. I have everything done except for what I am using right now. It went quite fast actually. And that night, Carly and I went on another scandalous activity. Tron: Legacy. OMG. BUST. I was thoroughly disappointed in that movie. Pretty much the corniest movie I have seen in a while. But, I had fun sneaking Campbell's chicken noodle soup into the movies to eat. Never done that before, but I will most likely do it again. Haha.
Sunday day was nothing awesome. I got super pissed off about some stuff and threw a dish at the brick wall by our apartment. That was awesome. Then, I went to dinner at Jedi's house. That was fun. Tucker and Piper are just the cutest kids I have ever met. And I'm not being biased. LOL.
Sunday Night is when the party started. I came home, had a nice little chat with my roommates and then started a dance party. It was nothing big, John from Viking Village stopped by to see if we were really dancing. And then, Minta busted out her black lights and that's when the real party started. Me, Michelle, Minta, Carly, and Kayla got busy marking our arms with highlighters and taking pictures like the world is gonna end tomorrow. It was amazing. We then had a four song dance party and rocked out. Check out my pictures on Facebook if you're interested. It was amazing to the MAX. I'm seriously going to miss these girls. They are so awesome. Love them!
Now, we are watching Star Trek and having a "sleepover" in the living room. I pulled out my mattress and Michelle pulled out hers and we are gonna sleep the night away out here, it being a three day weekend and all:)
Tomorrow I have to clean up my side of the room and get the rest of my stuff packed, because I'm staying the last two nights with Jedi and Aubrie. It will be fun.
I"m nervous to go home, because I haven't been home in a while and it's the middle of the semester. But, everything will work out for the better, I just know it. I'm putting the past behind me and moving on to bigger and better things:)
Thursday, February 10, 2011
How the mess did that happen?
I dreamed in Spanish last night.
I dreamed I was Fran Drescher and I was Latina and I was marrying this SUPER sexy Latino guy that was running for congress... Or senate.. One of those two. But, it was all in SPANISH. Strange!
I loved it tho. It was something different for sure. Mad me happy:)
Today was a great day. It flew by and now I get to be home and chill. Study for a science test I have to take tomorrow and then just relax.
In my science class we are talking about the Big Bang Theory. It amazes me how some scientists don't see that, even though there might have been a big bang, there is NO WAY God didn't have a hand in it. I mean, if the planet was even one millimeter closer to the Sun, as awesome as that would be, we wouldn't be able to live. God's hand definitely had a part in this universe.
In English we were talking about sarcasm irony and it made me realize, I can't describe sarcasm. You just, have to know it and then you get it. But, it's hard to explain sarcasm.. Which kinda sucks, cause sarcasm is my second language. LOL
Anyways, today has been wonderful. It's the start of something great, I'm sure.
I dreamed I was Fran Drescher and I was Latina and I was marrying this SUPER sexy Latino guy that was running for congress... Or senate.. One of those two. But, it was all in SPANISH. Strange!
I loved it tho. It was something different for sure. Mad me happy:)
Today was a great day. It flew by and now I get to be home and chill. Study for a science test I have to take tomorrow and then just relax.
In my science class we are talking about the Big Bang Theory. It amazes me how some scientists don't see that, even though there might have been a big bang, there is NO WAY God didn't have a hand in it. I mean, if the planet was even one millimeter closer to the Sun, as awesome as that would be, we wouldn't be able to live. God's hand definitely had a part in this universe.
In English we were talking about sarcasm irony and it made me realize, I can't describe sarcasm. You just, have to know it and then you get it. But, it's hard to explain sarcasm.. Which kinda sucks, cause sarcasm is my second language. LOL
Anyways, today has been wonderful. It's the start of something great, I'm sure.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Who Knew...
That blowing up stuff could be therapy?.... Possibly arsonists.. But.. Lol
I went on Friday night with Loren Willis and some of his friends and family to make a bonfire over by R Mountain. It was actually pretty fun. The truck I was riding in ended up getting stuck in the snow. And once we got out, it took us FOREVER to get to where we were trying to go. But then we made a fire and just talked and made s'mores and hot chocolate. And once the fire started to die, that's when the real fun began.
Loren took out some of the mini propane tanks we had brought, the ones you put on carotene lanterns, and some guns he and his brother had brought. We moved the cars far far away, and then while Loren and his friend Josh went shooting, the rest of us stood next to the cars to watch. Loren would put one of the mini tanks into the fire, and then when it started to hiss, he shot it. Man! Now I know what it's like to be Native American! LOL. The fire got SOOOOO big! It was AWESOME!! Around nine we decided to hit the road and come back to civilization. Then, I curled up on the couch and watched a movie. I was out like a baby by 11.
On Saturday I went swimming with Jedi and Tucker at the Hart pool. It was fun to see Tucker swim by himself, with a noodle wrapped around him to keep him afloat, of course. But then he threw up and we had to leave 'til the pool cycled through and was clean again. So instead I just went home with Jedi and babysat while they took poor baby Piper to get some shots. Then it was my turn to go shopping.
After shopping I just went up to the school and did some homework for my classes on Monday. I was there for about.. five hours. After a quick dinner with Jedi, I headed out to visit with Aubrie. Then Carly and I went swimming. It was pretty fun. I enjoy spending time with Carly. She isn't as scary this semester as she was last semester.
Fast Sunday came and went. I guess there was some sort of football game going on... The Super Bowl? Yeah.. I didn't watch it.. I'm not really into NFL, more of a college football girl:)
Monday came and went as quickly as Sunday did. Here I am, at 10 o'clock with nothing to do.. Besides science homework... LOL. I should get to work on that....
I went on Friday night with Loren Willis and some of his friends and family to make a bonfire over by R Mountain. It was actually pretty fun. The truck I was riding in ended up getting stuck in the snow. And once we got out, it took us FOREVER to get to where we were trying to go. But then we made a fire and just talked and made s'mores and hot chocolate. And once the fire started to die, that's when the real fun began.
Loren took out some of the mini propane tanks we had brought, the ones you put on carotene lanterns, and some guns he and his brother had brought. We moved the cars far far away, and then while Loren and his friend Josh went shooting, the rest of us stood next to the cars to watch. Loren would put one of the mini tanks into the fire, and then when it started to hiss, he shot it. Man! Now I know what it's like to be Native American! LOL. The fire got SOOOOO big! It was AWESOME!! Around nine we decided to hit the road and come back to civilization. Then, I curled up on the couch and watched a movie. I was out like a baby by 11.
On Saturday I went swimming with Jedi and Tucker at the Hart pool. It was fun to see Tucker swim by himself, with a noodle wrapped around him to keep him afloat, of course. But then he threw up and we had to leave 'til the pool cycled through and was clean again. So instead I just went home with Jedi and babysat while they took poor baby Piper to get some shots. Then it was my turn to go shopping.
After shopping I just went up to the school and did some homework for my classes on Monday. I was there for about.. five hours. After a quick dinner with Jedi, I headed out to visit with Aubrie. Then Carly and I went swimming. It was pretty fun. I enjoy spending time with Carly. She isn't as scary this semester as she was last semester.
Fast Sunday came and went. I guess there was some sort of football game going on... The Super Bowl? Yeah.. I didn't watch it.. I'm not really into NFL, more of a college football girl:)
Monday came and went as quickly as Sunday did. Here I am, at 10 o'clock with nothing to do.. Besides science homework... LOL. I should get to work on that....
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Self Discovery
So, I think I have come a long way since 1 AM Saturday morning. I'm done being upset all the time over something trivial. I'm done putting so much effort into one thing that will only hurt me in the end. So from now on, I'll live to make ME happy, and hope that somewhere along the way I'll make others happy as well.
I can't stop smiling. I like this decision. It feels right. I totally needed Saturday morning. Maybe not the heart-ache and trouble, but I definitely needed some time for myself. And though I have been spending every second I can with other people... It helped me realize so much about myself. I changed for a person, and that's not what I'm about. You have to love me for me, and... They didn't.. Well, at first they did.. But after a while I started acting different and in the end, it wasn't good for me. So, here's to the old me, that is now the new me.
I love this feeling.. It's so.. Intoxicating.
You wanna know what else is intoxicating? Breakfast cereal. OMG. It's so dang good! I just had a bowl of my second favorite kind and I'm so happy. I had a headache earlier and I thought it was going to ruin my night. But, I slept it off and at 7 went to the movies with my roommates, and even though it is still there, in the FRONT of my head (I can feel it there), I'm glad I went. We just watched Harry Potter again. Way good of course. But.. Going out tonight was the topping on the cake. The cherry on a milkshake. The chocolate in my malk.
This is the start of something great. I can feel it. Tomorrow will be a great day. And the day after that great as well. And the day after that. No longer will I be sad. No longer will I have bad days. That's a promise. I might have bad hours.. But not bad days. That part of my life is behind me.
It just cracks me up that it took my best friend walking away to make me realize this. And I drove them away. But, we needed it.
You know what else I need? A shower. HA! So, I'll write more later. Thanks for reading! Have a FANTASTIC day:)
I can't stop smiling. I like this decision. It feels right. I totally needed Saturday morning. Maybe not the heart-ache and trouble, but I definitely needed some time for myself. And though I have been spending every second I can with other people... It helped me realize so much about myself. I changed for a person, and that's not what I'm about. You have to love me for me, and... They didn't.. Well, at first they did.. But after a while I started acting different and in the end, it wasn't good for me. So, here's to the old me, that is now the new me.
I love this feeling.. It's so.. Intoxicating.
You wanna know what else is intoxicating? Breakfast cereal. OMG. It's so dang good! I just had a bowl of my second favorite kind and I'm so happy. I had a headache earlier and I thought it was going to ruin my night. But, I slept it off and at 7 went to the movies with my roommates, and even though it is still there, in the FRONT of my head (I can feel it there), I'm glad I went. We just watched Harry Potter again. Way good of course. But.. Going out tonight was the topping on the cake. The cherry on a milkshake. The chocolate in my malk.
This is the start of something great. I can feel it. Tomorrow will be a great day. And the day after that great as well. And the day after that. No longer will I be sad. No longer will I have bad days. That's a promise. I might have bad hours.. But not bad days. That part of my life is behind me.
It just cracks me up that it took my best friend walking away to make me realize this. And I drove them away. But, we needed it.
You know what else I need? A shower. HA! So, I'll write more later. Thanks for reading! Have a FANTASTIC day:)
Monday, January 24, 2011
Too Much Fun, Not Enough Time
I am so sick. What the mess? I was sitting in Book of Mormon and about threw up all over Thomas sitting next to me. And here I go again. I didn't sleep well last night.. But, maybe I have what Piper has... She threw up on me twice yesterday night after dinner. It was so gross. But thankfully Jedi owns his own washer and dryer. So I didn't have to pay to wash my shirt. But, for some reason, even though "burping" is common for newborns, Piper looked sick after wards.. So, maybe she got a little baby virus and now I have it, only in adult form. So, I hope it doesn't last. And I hope it's not something else.
I went to a tea party yesterday after church with Michelle and Minta in 107 at Viking Village. It was... Interesting.. We basically introduced ourselves and ate cheese and crackers and drank hot chocolate.. But, it was fun to meet new people. Which is exactly what I need right now.. I was going to go to this social last night in the lounge with some people from the ward. But I got a headache and none of my roommates wanted to go with. So, I stayed home and watched The Matrix Reloaded with my roommates. And ended up falling asleep and having a nightmare..
I now must watch a movie in Theatre. It's pretty funny and absolutely ridiculous. I love it.
I went to a tea party yesterday after church with Michelle and Minta in 107 at Viking Village. It was... Interesting.. We basically introduced ourselves and ate cheese and crackers and drank hot chocolate.. But, it was fun to meet new people. Which is exactly what I need right now.. I was going to go to this social last night in the lounge with some people from the ward. But I got a headache and none of my roommates wanted to go with. So, I stayed home and watched The Matrix Reloaded with my roommates. And ended up falling asleep and having a nightmare..
I now must watch a movie in Theatre. It's pretty funny and absolutely ridiculous. I love it.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Not good....
This semester is starting off on a bad note. And of course, it's all my fault. Actually, it's not ALL my fault.. But whatever. Good thing my classes are easy or I would die. Literally. I would like, jump off a cliff or something. Accidentally jump in front of a snowplow. Surprisingly, in Rexburg, there are numerous ways to die. I'm about to that point.. But not because I'm heart broken or because of "a boy". But because of stupid mistakes and my being retarded. Only time can heal... But I feel like I've given myself too much time.. If that's possible.. Almost a whole year... Nine months.. That's WAY too much time.. and no, I'm not pregnant, tho the nine months might make it sound like that. Thank goodness I'm not THAT stupid. I just... Acted dumb. And now I have to live with the consequences. Don't bother asking me what's wrong either. Because I don't want to talk about it, tho you may think I do because of this post. I just needed to get this out in the open and write everything I'm thinking down. And this isn't even all of it.
And what's worse is that I WANT to keep making these mistakes and bad decisions because I'm happy in the process. I'm happy, but then I just crash at the end.. So.. I have to cut myself off. Cold turkey.. It doesn't help that the cigarette is right there in front of me... But, it doesn't want me.. So, that should make it easier....
This is the last "emo" post I will write. I'll try to keep up with the blog better... I suddenly have some free time. So, yeah. Get ready to hear all about my new fun-filled semester. Complete with emptiness and sorrow and all that good stuff.
And what's worse is that I WANT to keep making these mistakes and bad decisions because I'm happy in the process. I'm happy, but then I just crash at the end.. So.. I have to cut myself off. Cold turkey.. It doesn't help that the cigarette is right there in front of me... But, it doesn't want me.. So, that should make it easier....
This is the last "emo" post I will write. I'll try to keep up with the blog better... I suddenly have some free time. So, yeah. Get ready to hear all about my new fun-filled semester. Complete with emptiness and sorrow and all that good stuff.
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