Self Discovery

So, I think I have come a long way since 1 AM Saturday morning. I'm done being upset all the time over something trivial. I'm done putting so much effort into one thing that will only hurt me in the end. So from now on, I'll live to make ME happy, and hope that somewhere along the way I'll make others happy as well.
I can't stop smiling. I like this decision. It feels right. I totally needed Saturday morning. Maybe not the heart-ache and trouble, but I definitely needed some time for myself. And though I have been spending every second I can with other people... It helped me realize so much about myself. I changed for a person, and that's not what I'm about. You have to love me for me, and... They didn't.. Well, at first they did.. But after a while I started acting different and in the end, it wasn't good for me. So, here's to the old me, that is now the new me.
I love this feeling.. It's so.. Intoxicating.
You wanna know what else is intoxicating? Breakfast cereal. OMG. It's so dang good! I just had a bowl of my second favorite kind and I'm so happy. I had a headache earlier and I thought it was going to ruin my night. But, I slept it off and at 7 went to the movies with my roommates, and even though it is still there, in the FRONT of my head (I can feel it there), I'm glad I went. We just watched Harry Potter again. Way good of course. But.. Going out tonight was the topping on the cake. The cherry on a milkshake. The chocolate in my malk.
This is the start of something great. I can feel it. Tomorrow will be a great day. And the day after that great as well. And the day after that. No longer will I be sad. No longer will I have bad days. That's a promise. I might have bad hours.. But not bad days. That part of my life is behind me.
It just cracks me up that it took my best friend walking away to make me realize this. And I drove them away. But, we needed it.
You know what else I need? A shower. HA! So, I'll write more later. Thanks for reading! Have a FANTASTIC day:)

Too Much Fun, Not Enough Time

I am so sick. What the mess? I was sitting in Book of Mormon and about threw up all over Thomas sitting next to me. And here I go again. I didn't sleep well last night.. But, maybe I have what Piper has... She threw up on me twice yesterday night after dinner. It was so gross. But thankfully Jedi owns his own washer and dryer. So I didn't have to pay to wash my shirt. But, for some reason, even though "burping" is common for newborns, Piper looked sick after wards.. So, maybe she got a little baby virus and now I have it, only in adult form. So, I hope it doesn't last. And I hope it's not something else.
I went to a tea party yesterday after church with Michelle and Minta in 107 at Viking Village. It was... Interesting.. We basically introduced ourselves and ate cheese and crackers and drank hot chocolate.. But, it was fun to meet new people. Which is exactly what I need right now.. I was going to go to this social last night in the lounge with some people from the ward. But I got a headache and none of my roommates wanted to go with. So, I stayed home and watched The Matrix Reloaded with my roommates. And ended up falling asleep and having a nightmare..
I now must watch a movie in Theatre. It's pretty funny and absolutely ridiculous. I love it.

Not good....

This semester is starting off on a bad note. And of course, it's all my fault. Actually, it's not ALL my fault.. But whatever. Good thing my classes are easy or I would die. Literally. I would like, jump off a cliff or something. Accidentally jump in front of a snowplow. Surprisingly, in Rexburg, there are numerous ways to die. I'm about to that point.. But not because I'm heart broken or because of "a boy". But because of stupid mistakes and my being retarded. Only time can heal... But I feel like I've given myself too much time.. If that's possible.. Almost a whole year... Nine months.. That's WAY too much time.. and no, I'm not pregnant, tho the nine months might make it sound like that. Thank goodness I'm not THAT stupid. I just... Acted dumb. And now I have to live with the consequences. Don't bother asking me what's wrong either. Because I don't want to talk about it, tho you may think I do because of this post. I just needed to get this out in the open and write everything I'm thinking down. And this isn't even all of it.
And what's worse is that I WANT to keep making these mistakes and bad decisions because I'm happy in the process. I'm happy, but then I just crash at the end.. So.. I have to cut myself off. Cold turkey.. It doesn't help that the cigarette is right there in front of me... But, it doesn't want me.. So, that should make it easier....
This is the last "emo" post I will write. I'll try to keep up with the blog better... I suddenly have some free time. So, yeah. Get ready to hear all about my new fun-filled semester. Complete with emptiness and sorrow and all that good stuff.