And Life Goes On

This weekend was one of THE hardest weekends I have had in a while. But, I made it through!
I feel like I have spent a lot of my time boding on something, something that is out of my hands, and now that it's over and done with, I feel even more empty inside. I need something to do. So, I went and looked for a job. I got a couple of applications that I now need to fill out, and I have an interview on Saturday for this 2-days a week job. Hopefully, I'll be able to find something to fill my time with.

I'm reading this book on forgiveness by President Kimball. I read a chapter today about forgiving to be forgiven. I always thought of myself as someone who easily and readily forgave others. I've never really been on to dwell on past misgivings unless I was super offended or hurt. And even then, I wasn't angry long and I forgot quickly. And I'd like to think that this thing that has happened is behind me, though at night, when I'm not thinking, it still hurts. But.. I feel like I can't be at peace until the person I have wronged, the family I have wronged, forgives me. But something I learned from this book is that, it's not on ME if THEY hold a grudge. I did what was right. I have no hard feelings towards them. Towards him. I don't ever want to see him again, and when I think about it, my heart aches, but I only feel sadness of a friendship lost. No grudge. No hatred. I have done what is right, and now it is on them to do the same thing. I know asking their forgiveness right now is pointless and will only make things worse. But I hope someday down the road, years from now, they will find it in their hearts to forgive me. As for now, I have done what's right. I have forgiven, and now it's my turn to be forgiven. Not from them, but from THEM. The Ones that matter. And trust me, I'm working on it. It's going to be a very long road, but I'm prepared to take it because I know it's what I need to do.

I'm tired of wasting energy on something I can't control. I'm tired of crying silently at night. I'm just tired. Waiting for their forgiveness is wearing me out. I need to move on. I've been told that countless times. But, I think Sunday was the last straw for me. My second wake up call this year. So, with this book and THE book, I'll start to move on. What's done is done and I can't keep worrying about it.