The Cliffs of Life

Today has been the greatest day of the week. I went with my dear friends Jenn, Britt, and Thom to a place up past Gadsden to..... CLIFF DIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whew! It was sooo incredibly amazing!! So fun on so many levels! Literally!
At first, we had to climg over and across some rocks just to get to a decent cliff and that was scary, I'll tell you what! There was one rock we had to climb up on that was over 6 feet tall! That was scary because on either side was a stright drop into rocky waters. But, we did it! And then, once we got to the ledge, that's when the real fun started.
Now, I have this rational fear of falling. Not so much landing, or heights, though height has to do with my fear, falling is what kills me. The weightlessness you feel as you leave solid ground and the rush you get when your stomach jumps into your heart. Wow. It's incredible, and yet terrifying all at once!
And then there is the heigth. See, I'm not afraid of heights when I know I run no risk of falling. But, put me close to an edge of something higher up that 10 feet and I want to die. However, if I were somewhere, like say the Grand Canyon, I'd be fine. Because for some reason, I know I'm safe, It's strange, I know.
But I love thrill as well. So, asking me to jump off of a 50-some foot cliff into ICE COLD water, and I'm all for it... Till we get to the cliff. Then I pussy-foot around for ten minutes.
But today, today I took that plunge into the great unknown (OK, maybe not so great and unknown, but still) and let me tell you, it was so exhilirating. Not knowing where you'll land or when. Just trusting that the air rushing past your ears and through your hair means you're going down, and that you'll be there soon. It's awe inspiring.
The water was so cold when I landed. It about took my breath away. I couldn't hardly swim! But, I loved it! I loved jumping! It was so fun! And once I finally got out of the water, I warmed up and, even though I didn't want to do it again, I was proud of myself for jumping and beating my fear.
This experience, this fun filled day, has taught me a lot. I know I've mentioned once or twice a friend that I don't know where I'm going, or what I want to do with myself anymore. That my life is in pieces and I don't know how to put it back together. But, I've realized that I don't have to know WHERE to start, I jsut have to start. I don't have to know where this will lead me (right now anyways), I just have to make a desicion, because right now, I'm standing on the edge of the cliff. And I need to make the jump. The jump that will start a new life for me. I'm not sure about hings as I once was, and that scares me. But, I don't have to be sure about everything. I just have to make decisions that will help me get to where I KNOW I want to be: with my Heavenly Father. So, for now, I'll take the first jump. I'll do something that will hopefully put me on the path I need to be. And when the next cliff arrives, I'll jump that one. And I'll keep jumping and jumping. And hopefully, I'll get where I need to be.